FIGHT WITH SLEDGE HAMMERS [1902]
Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2018 2:36 pm
In another thread, I mention an impending attempt to recreate the lost film FIGHT WITH SLEDGE HAMMERS via crowd-funding and a single still. It has since come to my attention that a fragment of the original scenario survives at the BFI, which, with their kind cooperation, will be employed in the restoration. It is reproduced below:
============== ORIGINAL SCENARIO ===========
FIGHT WITH SLEDGE HAMMERS
by
Herbert Ralnig, after Shakespeare
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Alice Quiche-Lorraine .................. beauteous soubrette employed by the Royal Family as a diction coach
Sir Harold Lime III ........................ dashing entrepreneur and bon vivant, engaged to Alice
Enoch ........................................... a stable-boy of low character and vast cunning
———————— The Action. ———————
VIEW OF ESTATE OF SIR HAROLD IN AUTUMN SUNLIGHT WITH CATTLE.
VIEW OF GARDEN AND SHED.
Alice is tending to the chrysanthemums when — of a sudden — the garden hose that she is training upon the flowers ceases to function!
VIEW OF SHED.
Enoch is seen to be exerting pressure on the hose with his foot. His face is distorted with sarcastic glee.
VIEW OF GARDEN.
As Alice examines the hose, a sudden burst of water drenches her carefully managed coiffure.
Enoch enters and laughingly forces his unwanted attentions upon Alice, who immediately draws upon her knowledge of proper diction to cry out for assistance.
TITLE: "Enoch, enough! Your master shall hear of this!"
VIEW OF ENOCH.
He is undeterred by Alice’s imprecations, and presses the attack!
VIEW OF GARDEN GATE.
Sir Harold is seen returning from his club, in full evening dress.
VIEW OF SIR HAROLD
He is evidently appalled by what he sees!
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Sir Harold accosts Enoch, and, drawing from his waistcoat a well-made glove, STRIKES Enoch a forceful blow upon the cheek.
TITLE: (Sir Harold.) "Foils, or épées?"
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Alice implores the men to moderate their actions, to no avail.
TITLE: (Enoch.) "Neither! Sledge hammers! That is, if you have the strength to pick one up!"
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Enoch dashes off toward the shed, followed closely by Sir Harold. Alice is distraught.
VIEW OF SHED. (Interior.)
Enoch grasps a sledge hammer and swings it wildly toward Sir Harold.
TITLE: (Enoch.) "Have at you, Sir!"
VIEW OF SHED, AS BEFORE.
Sir Harold, too, grasps a sledge hammer, and the fight is on! Simultaneously, Alice shows great concern.
TITLE: (Sir Harold.) "I shall teach you a lesson that you — and perhaps others! — shall never forget!"
VIEW OF SHED, AS BEFORE.
The men fight with rage and vigour! Ferocious blows are given — and received!
VIEW OF SHED AND DOORWAY.
A little dog, of evident good breeding — perhaps a Corgi — enters the shed, all unawares.
Alice spots the dog, whose name is Chops, and favours him with a smile.
TITLE: (Alice.) "Surely you recollect the location of the constabulary, past which we have often walked of an evening? Go there at once, and fetch a constable, and don’t be slow about it. There’s a good fellow!”
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Chops is seen to be rushing away in the direction of the constabulary.
VIEW OF SHED, AS BEFORE.
Sir Harold now sports a nasty bruise on his forehead, and his hair is untidy. Enoch, too, is somewhat the worse for wear, as blood runs from his ears, and teeth fall from his mouth in great profusion.
VIEW OF CONSTABULARY.
And here is little Chops, bounding into the precincts with alacrity and sincere enthusiasm! Indeed a doughty little chap. He seeks to arouse the attention of a certain constable, who, hilariously, is asleep at his desk!
TITLE: (Constable.) "What the—?"
[Here ends the surviving page of the original manuscript. Perhaps we never shall know who won the fight with sledge hammers!]
============== ORIGINAL SCENARIO ===========
FIGHT WITH SLEDGE HAMMERS
by
Herbert Ralnig, after Shakespeare
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Alice Quiche-Lorraine .................. beauteous soubrette employed by the Royal Family as a diction coach
Sir Harold Lime III ........................ dashing entrepreneur and bon vivant, engaged to Alice
Enoch ........................................... a stable-boy of low character and vast cunning
———————— The Action. ———————
VIEW OF ESTATE OF SIR HAROLD IN AUTUMN SUNLIGHT WITH CATTLE.
VIEW OF GARDEN AND SHED.
Alice is tending to the chrysanthemums when — of a sudden — the garden hose that she is training upon the flowers ceases to function!
VIEW OF SHED.
Enoch is seen to be exerting pressure on the hose with his foot. His face is distorted with sarcastic glee.
VIEW OF GARDEN.
As Alice examines the hose, a sudden burst of water drenches her carefully managed coiffure.
Enoch enters and laughingly forces his unwanted attentions upon Alice, who immediately draws upon her knowledge of proper diction to cry out for assistance.
TITLE: "Enoch, enough! Your master shall hear of this!"
VIEW OF ENOCH.
He is undeterred by Alice’s imprecations, and presses the attack!
VIEW OF GARDEN GATE.
Sir Harold is seen returning from his club, in full evening dress.
VIEW OF SIR HAROLD
He is evidently appalled by what he sees!
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Sir Harold accosts Enoch, and, drawing from his waistcoat a well-made glove, STRIKES Enoch a forceful blow upon the cheek.
TITLE: (Sir Harold.) "Foils, or épées?"
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Alice implores the men to moderate their actions, to no avail.
TITLE: (Enoch.) "Neither! Sledge hammers! That is, if you have the strength to pick one up!"
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Enoch dashes off toward the shed, followed closely by Sir Harold. Alice is distraught.
VIEW OF SHED. (Interior.)
Enoch grasps a sledge hammer and swings it wildly toward Sir Harold.
TITLE: (Enoch.) "Have at you, Sir!"
VIEW OF SHED, AS BEFORE.
Sir Harold, too, grasps a sledge hammer, and the fight is on! Simultaneously, Alice shows great concern.
TITLE: (Sir Harold.) "I shall teach you a lesson that you — and perhaps others! — shall never forget!"
VIEW OF SHED, AS BEFORE.
The men fight with rage and vigour! Ferocious blows are given — and received!
VIEW OF SHED AND DOORWAY.
A little dog, of evident good breeding — perhaps a Corgi — enters the shed, all unawares.
Alice spots the dog, whose name is Chops, and favours him with a smile.
TITLE: (Alice.) "Surely you recollect the location of the constabulary, past which we have often walked of an evening? Go there at once, and fetch a constable, and don’t be slow about it. There’s a good fellow!”
VIEW OF GARDEN.
Chops is seen to be rushing away in the direction of the constabulary.
VIEW OF SHED, AS BEFORE.
Sir Harold now sports a nasty bruise on his forehead, and his hair is untidy. Enoch, too, is somewhat the worse for wear, as blood runs from his ears, and teeth fall from his mouth in great profusion.
VIEW OF CONSTABULARY.
And here is little Chops, bounding into the precincts with alacrity and sincere enthusiasm! Indeed a doughty little chap. He seeks to arouse the attention of a certain constable, who, hilariously, is asleep at his desk!
TITLE: (Constable.) "What the—?"
[Here ends the surviving page of the original manuscript. Perhaps we never shall know who won the fight with sledge hammers!]
